I have finally recognized what I've been feeling all this time. It's anger. I'm so very angry with myself and the world around me. I'm mad at my dad for not being here and not calling on my birthdays. I'm mad at Brandon for never knowing how he feels. I'm mad at Isabella for never shutting up about Stephen. I'm mad at my family for being so oblivious to my pain. I'm mad at myself for being so weak. I'm mad at the girls from 8th grade and their continious drama. I'm mad at Khaliya for leaving me behind, we were supposed to be bestfriends. I'm mad at Stephen for convincing I was stupid. I'm mad at Elizabeth for being closer to death than I am. I'm mad at myself for being addicted to Dr pepper. I'm mad at everyone for their lies. I'm mad at my mom for loving Elizabeth more than she does me and recognizing Elizabeth's pain better than she does mine. I'm mad at Glenn for not knowing anything about emotions. I'm mad at the economy. I'm mad at people for giving up on me. I'm mad at everything.
But I'm mostly mad at myself. I'm more mad at myself than I am anyone.
I'm just so angry. And I don't know the correct way to express that anger.
I'm also scared. I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of saying certain things in fear I might drive someone away. I'm scared I wont find anyone else to love. I'm scared that I might lose everyone around me or they might give up on me. I'm scared of how many lies come out of Brandon's mouth each day. I'm scared that maybe he never ment a word he said. I'm scared that maybe Brandon only went out with me to make everything up to me. I'm scared that my emotions will drive people away. I'm scared that I already drove people away and that's why I'm so alone. I'm scared that one day I'll say "I want to die" for the last time because God will get tired of me wishing for it and so he gives me what I wish for. I'm scared that the people I love and need wont accept any changes made of me.

I'm angry and afraid.
I'm angry at everything and everyone.
I'm afraid of everything and everyone.

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